Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
