I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
