I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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