he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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