You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
