Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My nipple is on Facebook.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
