Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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