So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize