Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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