Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
