I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
