If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
