hell yes lets make some ravioli
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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