thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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