K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
