At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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