I hate your face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
