Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
