forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
