Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
