barbara walters just said penis...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
