im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
