They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
