If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
