i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
