The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
