There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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