I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love having hate sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
