just tell him i said nine months
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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