my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I will pee on everything he values.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
