I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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