the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
