trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
