come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
