It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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