So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
