So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize