Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
