Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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