he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Nobody cheats on THIS.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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