Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
