I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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