If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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