youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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