I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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