Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
