Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
