I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
