I want to have your abortion
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
