remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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