You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
