There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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