Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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