Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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