Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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