If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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