Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
