I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need water and some morals
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
