i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
