Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
