theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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