I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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