And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
