The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
