Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
