Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your dad touched me again.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
