...so i touched it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
