allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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