watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
