best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
