its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
