My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
