I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
