well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
