we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
