If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
